We all have so many expectations.
We expect our friends and family to help us.
We expect our achievements to be noticed.
We expect our partners to remember special dates.
We expect everyone to follow the speed limit and not hold us up.
We expect our Uber Eats to arrive on time.
We expect our coworkers to share the workload fairly.
We expect our favorite TV shows to come on at the right time.
We expect our neighbors to keep their noise down.
We expect our devices to work without glitches.
We expect to get good service when we go out to eat.
And the list goes on!
Even if we think we’re easygoing, we still have expectations for ourselves and others.
But what happens when these expectations aren’t met?
Our friends might let us down, our partners might forget important things, we might miss out on promotions at work, and we might end up feeling disappointed and upset.
When things don’t go as expected, we feel hurt and frustrated. We think we deserve better treatment, right?
Why are Expectations Dangerous?
Many people feel depressed because they feel let down by someone in their life. They know they can’t control or change their boss, friend, family member, or partner, but they still feel they deserve better treatment.
It’s tough when we feel like we’re not being seen, heard, understood, or appreciated in a relationship.
Expectations and entitlement often go hand in hand, and this can be a problem!
Entitlement means thinking we deserve something or that others owe us. For example, maybe you’re the person who always pays for everyone’s lunch, remembers everyone’s birthdays, or plans exciting dates. When you do these things out of kindness, there’s no issue. But problems can arise when you start to expect the same things in return.
If you go around feeling entitled, you assume that whatever you give should be given back to you. This isn’t always realistic.
People might not have the money to pay for you, they might forget birthdays because they’re disorganized, or they might not be creative with dates. This doesn’t mean they’re bad people; it just means they might show their care differently.
We often assume that others think and act like we do. But everyone is different, and what’s important to us might not be to someone else.
So, how do we deal with frustration and disappointment when others don’t meet our expectations?
Set Limits To Your Expectations
In simple words, the fewer expectations you have with others, the less disappointed you feel when they don’t get satisfied. This is easy to say but hard to follow, mainly when we talk about deep relationships (the people whom we are committed to give everything we have).
Even though it may be not possible or impractical to totally lose our expectations of others, especially those who are very close to our hearts, we can minimize the amount of expectations from them.
By making small changes, like not depending on a family member for a ride or not expecting a friend to always listen to our problems, we can reduce the pressure on these relationships and avoid feeling disappointed later on.
Stepping down may be hard to do, mainly for those of us who go through preoccupied attachment styles, but sometimes it is the better option to make a relationship healthy.
If we are mindful of not expecting too much, the suffering of future disappointments will be minimized, as well as possible harm to our relationships.
Think Too Little of Getting Something Back
Over and above think too little of getting something from your partner, family, or friends, we can also choose to give with open hands whatever we have without expecting anything in return. In close relationships, we often give our time, energy, and sometimes money to help someone we care about a lot. But sometimes, these people might not be able to give back to us. This could be because of health problems, money issues, too many other commitments, or just not realizing our needs.
Often these relationships can feel a little ‘one-sided’ or inequitable. But sometimes people who are close to us need us more than we need them. And if we are in that condition where we can give, from the deep of our hearts, we don’t always think of getting something back in return.
Think of your parents who move heaven and earth for you without any expectation they do so many things for you and your friends who are without any greed and help you in any situation without thinking about it twice. These are the ones who give far more than they receive and they do so because they love you and care for you.
Give Without Expecting to Receive
Not every relationship in life deserves deep investment. We have friends we see sometimes, coworkers we talk to at work, and neighbors we say hello to. All of these relationships are important and valuable, but not all of them are ones we should put a lot of time and effort into.
It’s important to think about the relationships we have in our lives, and fairly and morally evaluate whether we are treating someone as a deep-investment who does not take us as we take them. We can then decide to continue giving freely, from the bottom of our hearts and with open hands, without expecting anything from them. Or to get ourselves back from that relationship, and accept their difficulties with open arms, maybe giving a less less and vice-versa.
Stepping down is undoubtedly a strategy you should use to manage your relationship with your partner or friend who you care about so much but are not able to or do not want to place a deep investment of their time and energy with you. While the emotions of care are reciprocal, You should have to step down, you should not have to fall into the expectations, sadness, and resentment with them. You should value those special relationships where people give a lot to you.
Final Words
I hope these tips help you manage your expectations in relationships! And this blog is for everyone who is in any kind of relationship these are the basic rules to follow to don’t make yourself hurt and depressed.
Bye Guyz, Keep Loving, Keep Caring!
Read more: What to Expect In a Relationship: Everything You Need To Know!
