We often judge how “excellent” we are in bed by how repeatedly we make our partner (s) orgasm. That’s not certainly true – since sexual pleasure is not all about orgasm – but still, it can be dissatisfying for everyone involved when you cum and your partner doesn’t.
Unluckily, It happens more often than it should. Do you guys ever heard of the “orgasm gap”? The term signifies the fact that straight, cis men cum during sex notably more than their partners do. A 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that these men have orgasms 95% of the time, while straight women have orgasms 65% of the time.
This difference isn’t due to anatomy; the study also found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86% of the time during sex, and other research shows that women have no trouble orgasm during masturbation.
What Mayo Clinic Has to Say?
If you are thinking of making your partner cum, the important factor to keep in mind is not thinking only about intercourse.
A 2020 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that it takes about 13 to 14 minutes for most women to reach orgasm during penetrative sex, which is about twice as long as the 5 to 7 minutes it usually takes for men. Plus, fewer than 1 in 5 women can orgasm from penetration alone, according to the Mayo Clinic.
How can you make your partner reach orgasm?
Before you make it your life’s objective, a quick message: While orgasms give pleasure, chasing them can create so much pressure on your sex life. The latest research has concentrated on “orgasm coercion”: the idea that attempting very hard to make your partner cum can put pressure on them, which feels like coercion.
People at the obtaining end of orgasm coercion may feel like their cum is more about their partner’s need to feel “man enough” than it is about pleasure. Talk to your partner to find out if they think this way. If they do, talk about how to make things less stressful for both of you.
1) Don’t Rush Towards Your Partner’s Orgasm
“Try to acknowledge the objective of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one type of pleasure that is notably shorter than all part that is left over,” stated Shadeen Francis, LMFT. This is the reason why Francis suggests slowing down. Give time to your movements, and don’t concentrate on the climax. There is a little bitterness to it – the more your partner thinks about orgasm, there is less possibility they will be able to orgasm. So pull the pressure off of your partner and concentrate on making them feel as excited as possible.
2) Implement External Clitoral Excitement
First of all: the large majority of vagina owners need external clitoral excitement to achieve orgasm. A study of 1,000+ vagina owners in 2017 disclosed that only 18% of participants could orgasm via vaginal intercourse alone. So the question is when you’re having sex with your partner, do you want to concentrate on external excitement alone or in combination with some form of penetration?
If you want to excite your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, there are a few sex positions that make it simpler to do than others. Rachel* is an admirer of the coital alignment technique, or CAT: “When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body a little forward so that time his penis rubs against your clitoris.”
This technique is even more effective if your partner’s legs are placed together and you’re straddling them, stated Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., a health instructor who also teaches at the City University of New York’s City Tech campus. You can accomplish the same effect when they are on top of you by holding yourself on your elbows which puts your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.
3) Choose Particular Positions
When talking about the clitoris, some sex positions appeared on top when it came to giving that in-demand stimulation.
Following Gigi Engle, SKYN’s resident sex expert, one of the effective sex positions for clitoral contact is the lotus. In this position, you sit cross-legged, while your vagina-owning partner sits on your thigh facing you and folds their legs around your back. For a little less difficult modification, you can also do the lotus position by making use of the chair.
Eagle suggests this position because, similar to the coital alignment method, it requires sliding back and forth in place of bouncing up and down.
“It enables for more frottage against your partner’s body for that excellent old external stimulation,” said Engle.
Rebecca Glass, LMSW, a sex and relationship therapist, believes that cowgirl and reverse cowgirl are also ideal positions for getting similar clitoral contact because the vagina owner has total control over the angle of penetration.
4) Focus More on Their Butt
Unless anal is on the table, butts are generally ignored during sex. And that’s a shame, because “the buttocks are loaded with nerve endings,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a globally famous relationship expert. To give your partner “an amazing jolt of pressure” spread your fingers and gently squeeze their cheeks.
Before you start squeezing or spanking your partner’s butt, make sure to ask if they’re interested in that kind of thing. If they are, be gentle and go slowly. Some people like harder spanks, but you should talk about it and agree on it first before getting into it.
Conclusion- Talk to Your Partner What They Want
Ask your partner what they like. It might seem obvious, but it’s the best way to help them enjoy sex more. Studies show that people who talk openly about sex have better experiences because they feel less nervous. By discussing what your partner likes, dislikes, and fantasies (without being judgmental), they’ll feel more relaxed, and both of you will have better sex.
There are many ways to make a girl cum, but we’ve highlighted some of the best ones. Exploring these tips can help improve your connection and enhance the experience.